And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
