Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
