There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
