just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
