he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
