No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize