I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
