just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize