laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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