he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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