We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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