Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
