He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
