Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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