last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
