I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
