are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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