my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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