Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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