it wasn't lemon gatorade
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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