I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize