I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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