if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
