In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
