If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
