I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
