I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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