I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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