Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize