We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
