He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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