i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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