probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
