What did we do last night that was yellow?
he thought i was a dude.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
