Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
