why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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