My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
