I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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