you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
