On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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