sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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