that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize