I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
