just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
