Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
