Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.

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(940): View more from Texas

now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.

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(480): View more from Arizona

You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.

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(210): View more from Texas

Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat

(830): View more from Texas

You are so not ready for motherhood

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(406): View more from Montana

I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.

(1-406): View more from Montana

You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.

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(757): View more from Virginia

It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.

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(518): View more from New York

Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!

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