It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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