This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
