No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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