Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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