Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this beer tastes like vomit already
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
