But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize