I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize