She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
