Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
