haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
