Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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