Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
