hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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