So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
