yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
