Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
