I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He passed out mid-signature
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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