when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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