My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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