i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
