A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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